sexta-feira, 16 de setembro de 2005

Conjuntivitividade em alta voltagem


No primeiro semestre de 2003, uma epidemia de conjuntivite assolou alguns estados do país.

"Ô Fátima, faz uma receita para mais 4 dias aí que estou com um paciente com conjuntivite adenoviral. Maxidex, uma gota de 3 em 3 horas por dois dias, e depois de 5 em 5 horas por mais cinco dias. Soro fisiológico gelado 5 vezes por dia durante 15 dias."

(Oftamologista, falando ao telefone com a secretária.)

Já no final da epidemia, quando diminuiu em 90% a incidência dos casos, como diria Darlan à Laíse Santos, eu tombei diante do vírus da conjuntivite. Quase todos de casa já estavam contaminados quando eu achei que sairia ileso dessa. Nunca pegara antes. Nem sei se é a mesma que dava nas pessoas quando eu era pequeno, mas sei de uma coisa: é algo que não desejo ao meu pior inimigo. No segundo dia eu já andava de olhos fechados pela casa que nem o Demolidor, já não batia em nenhum cômodo.

Agora reservarei este espaço do texto para descrever como é a sensação, a explicação mais próxima, mais verdadeira e mais espontânea mesmo do que é ter essa tal de conjuntivite adenoviral:

"PUTA QUE O PARIU! DÓI, COÇA, ARDE PARA CARALHO!! PORRA, EU QUERO MORRER...MORTO, NÃO DOERIA TANTO".

Hoje, no quinto dia, os sintomas e a agonia diminuíram, mas segundo o médico eu estou no auge da contaminação. Lá por segunda, a probabilidade de eu contaminar alguém diminui muito. Ai eu já me arriscarei a entrar em contato com os outros da minha espécie. Um outro problema que ela me causou, foi uma hemorragia no olho direito. É uma coisa que não dá em todo mundo, só nos otários mesmo. O meu olho direito está igual ao do Gambit dos X-Men, só que do avesso (se você não conhece o Gambit por que só assistiu aos filmes, deixa pra lá). A hemorragia não atingiu a córnea, apenas a parte branca do olho. O principal problema, seria estético. Como eu não sou bonito mesmo, dane-se...o sangue vai sumir completamente, no mínimo, em 15 dias.

Engraçado são as propriedades para vencê-la. Percebi que é preciso misturar as reações químicas e físicas. Por exemplo: Eu usava água boricada e lavava os olhos com água gelada, o que na verdade, é a única coisa que alivia. Mas nunca tinha pensado em usar a água boricada gelada (Eureca!). É difícil pensar quando o olho parece uma bola de fogo.

"Pois é, se você começar a usar desde hoje o Maxidex a o soro fisiológico gelado o seu olho vai voltar ao normal. Pode ir...eu só não vou te comprimentar porque eu acabei de lavar a mão né, sabe como é."

Para você que ainda não pegou e quiser ter uma sensação semelhante, aconselho lavar os olhos com sabão de coco. Eu poderia dizer pimenta, mas com pimenta, se você lavar com água, a dor passa. Com sabão de coco, não.

Você também pode experimentar lavar as partes íntimas com sabão de coco. Garanto-lhe que é uma sensação indescritível. Pra falar a verdade, eu queria pegar este miserável que inventou o sabão de coco.

[16 de Maio de 2003]

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